Imajade Robyn

Endless Foreverness

2012-01-03T16:50:00.000-08:00

Here, in the torrent of fast moving mortality, expecting, thinking, wondering, worrying... grabbing moments here and there.. dreading, fearing, waiting for the experiences to come.. the torrent of that river of time grabs me and holds onto me so tight.. I can only take a moment to cling onto a fallen branch or jutting rock, to remember...

To remember that point in time, where the point was truly endless, hours did not mean a thing, nor days or weeks.. I was just there.. just being...

Being in another endless souls presence, its hard to describe but, even when no words were spoken, or we were doing nothing at all.. it felt like a whole lot of something... peaceful, silent joy, gentle warmth and feeling of what can only be described as.. love..

Love for the moment, the endless moment of being connected.. no thoughts of yesterday or tomorrow, no worries of anything but the smell of grass, the velvet touch of a daisy petal on my cheek, the warmth of the sun on my skin, the sound of soft breathing from my friend as she sleeps next to me, the flutter of her eyelids and smile of content, and my own smile as I relished this tapestry of beauty around me that seemed like forever.

And it was forever, day and night had no meaning.. only that they shined their magic, showed me their beautiful unique qualities, I felt no need to follow their paths with wake and sleep, only to be in their presence and allow my body to find its own way.. no rush to get anything done, started or finished, only feeling of foreverness and slow soft existence. I could create at my own tempo, explore feelings and thoughts, and form them into something pleasing to me, no worries if its right or liked by others.. none of that.. that did not enter into my mind at all. not like now..

Now, as I am here, alone in the darkness, slower but, I feel the weight of the fast river of time pulling, I know it will pull me back in soon, I cling tighter onto the rock that helps me look to the shore, that still, unmoving land, with green pastures and hills all white and yellow with daisies and buttercups, remembering when the river was not even here, just a gentle stream I would sit by.. never did I think I would get caught up in such a torrent of raging time..

Time pulls at my aching body, I weep, as I cling to that rock and long for that point, that expansive and beautiful point of endless foreverness.

Book Review - Emotional Blackmail

2012-01-01T11:39:00.000-08:00

Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward

This really has to be one of the most important books I have ever read.. so I guess I never felt I could say enough to justify its importance.. but I have to start some place.. it's part of my everyday life now that am sure its affects will come through in other posts..

Emotional blackmail is a huge business, everyone does it to an extent, and everyone at some point falls prey to it..

This book is all about recognising when you are in the blackmailers grasp, and how to react and change your own behaviour toward the blackmailer so you do not become a 'victim' of it.. and its only small changes you need to make, changing a couple of words in a response can turn around a potential destructive conversation, and being consistent in those changes can completely turn around a damaging relationship.

Personally this book has helped me see when people around me have been emotionally blackmailing me, realising the anger, stress, and especially guilt I felt, was actually due to being blackmailed, when I began to see that, and realise it, I could then basically, 'let myself off the hook'.. just recognising it for what it is, is a huge step into breaking free from its affects.

Don't get me wrong, I still feel all that stuff.. you tell me I'm an awful person because I don't do this or that for you, then yeah, I will feel like crap... but now I can take a step back, see the blackmailing, see my own feelings toward it and respond in another way to how I would usually respond.

My new way of responding actually has at times strengthened me massively, to the point it increased my self esteem and confidence when the other person was hell bent on destroying that,..... of course I was delighted in the irony of the outcome.

The book has also helped me to see where I may be emotionally blackmailing other people and curb my behaviours that way.. because I really do not like being emotionally blackmailed, for any reason, so I would not want to do that to someone I care about.

This is a fantastic life changing book... if you are feeling you are being emotionally blackmailed. then I absolutely recommend reading this book... it will change your life.

Book Review - Personality Plus by Florence Littauer

2011-07-25T01:29:00.001-07:00

I think what I mainly got from this book is to be more aware of how others are different to me and why.

How a Popular Sanguines motives are usually just to have fun, and they just want everyone else to join in on that fun, he doesn't realise his sense of fun is not others sense of fun, he doesn't mean to lie or offend he only wants to see others enjoy a story even if he's not telling the true story, the truth is less important to a Sanguine... he doesn't want to know about his weaknesses, even when he begs for you to tell him!.

Also how Perfect Melancholies are more prone to depression, and would more likely take your comments to heart, but hes the one you can get into deep meaningful conversations with, a very analytical and deep soul.

And how awesome Peaceful Phlegmatics are, you know you will get on with them, but also know they would need lots of motivation to actually do anything, an exciting passionate romance with one of them just wont happen .. but how peaceful life would be around them.

Powerful Cholerics are great as leaders, not much else to say about them I guess, I think I would rather avoid them in a social situation.

But of course its not as simple as all that, most people are combinations of all these types, or have 'masks' of types hiding the true temperament, but its been interesting to discover myself in there, and witness the traits in others, some are very obvious strong on one major type, others are an obvious mix, others not so easy to define.... it was very interesting to see how I interacted and viewed them before I read the book and now after, much negativity and judgement has gone , especially toward the Popular Sanguine type, which as a strong Perfect Melancholy myself, I found delightful in small doses but failed terribly when trying to have any deeper connection with.
It explains why I can clash with my own type, having two Perfect Melancholies in a relationship can get very painful, as neither partner would ever be 'perfect' enough, and the attempts of both to 'correct' the other would end up in disaster, but also how I can connect with them on a deep level, and the joy of having someone else to analyse with is fantastic!.
And how I so very much appreciate the Peaceful Phlegmatic, and would keep them as friends for a lifetime, but perhaps romantically, it would be rather frustrating...

But a Peaceful Phlegmatic with a dash of Popular Sanguine a hint of Powerful Choleric with a touch of Perfect Melancholy, might make for a very tasty pie.

I think the main discovery I had was that, not getting along with someone did not mean I was a failure, or defective socially, and neither are they, its just the combination of temperaments could not co-exist peacefully, just realising that and accepting it makes all the difference, you don't even need to try to 'fix' it.. if you don't feel like putting in the energy, just accept it and move on, find people you do get along with naturally.

The only other thing I would mention about the book, is that it is written by a Christian, and has a few random religious quotes, great for other Christians, and not too much that it would bother non Christians.

Storm

2011-07-22T10:13:00.000-07:00

"And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about." ~Haruki Murakami~

You are my storm. I am changed forever.

Dear All That Is..

2011-04-09T02:31:00.001-07:00

I give to you my love, my desire to understand you, my acceptance and compassion, my awareness, I give to you all I have and will learn, I am your eyes, your ears, your fingertips.

Love Robyn xxox

Dear Woman?

2011-04-09T01:41:00.000-07:00

"I vow to treat your heart as the sacred temple it is"

I am very surprised by the nasty comments on this video.. http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=K_uRIMUBnvw are these men or women commenting? if women, I think there's a lot of anger toward men, so this video is even more significant, its a truce for goodness sake....why attack? and if its men being angry then.. well same thing, what's wrong with you? why all the fighting? why always attack and defence?
Lets be of peace, be of acceptance and compassion and understanding... the human race is in a mess, we treat each other like shit most the time... and its about time we crawl out the mud and see ourselves for what we truly are.
what is the harm of being more understanding of each other, let the ego go.. accept the male and female energies, embrace the differences and work with them to build a better existence for everyone, for all living things including our living spaceship..we are destroying each other, ourselves and our only home... we need to stop the destruction!.. the only way it seems we can do this is to wake up, be aware, truly look at ourselves and each other.. and forgive, be of peace and harmony, we need to restore balance to our world, and how wonderful that these men can stand up and hold out that hand of peace.

I didn't read all the comments, as I have no need to, I accept the heartfelt sincere apology of those men, and deeply appreciate their open hearts, but I also understand that most people in this present time are still faaaast asleep and hiding behind their egos and walls of conditioned behaviour.
We have such potential to be amazing and wonderful spiritual beings, but also to be blind ignorant creatures and slaves of our own making.

I feel there is a clear divide between the two ways of being, our future could go either way, I can only hope more people open their hearts and minds and take a look in that mirror to see the truth of what they really are... it begins there.

Dear Universe..

2011-04-09T01:14:00.001-07:00

I would very much like a bit of money to play with right now.. say.. £20,000?
I would get a few things fixed ... help out my sister some, pay back my dad, and a loan, find a nicer place to live, give myself some time to reflect and recharge while I find a more suitable career, perhaps I could even manage to set up my own business, and do a few of those things I always wanted to do.. like go visit my friends across the ocean.

Many Thanks

Love Robyn xxox

Living My Best Life

2011-03-27T12:16:00.000-07:00

aka 'Bucket List'

I really suspect this is a rather mundane list from the perspective of most, not too ambitious, but its the little things, as well as the so called 'big things' in life, that make a life.

So, many probably seem quite simple things, I guess they are, but this is a list of experiences I would like this lifetime, or in some cases, have had already. Obviously I may add to this list later as I experience more, but most of these have been pretty much with me for many years now.

[edit.. new addition to my list: visit Flat Holm island http://flatholmisland.wordpress.com/ ]

done!

[edit..new addition: To move to Mumbles, Swansea, to live and work there for at least 2 years or more]

Ice skate with a partner

I tried skating once before, it was nice indoor rink, it was a fun experience, but i realised I really needed some help, and I guess there was always that romantic element to the dream 'with a partner'.

This dream came true big time recently in December 2010, it was the most magical thing that's ever happened to me, a true romantic fairytale.. the bonus was the snow falling and the gorgeous man who held me up was the man I loved. I am forever grateful to him for that day, I don't think he realises how special that was for me, certainly a day I will never forget.

Ride in a hot air ballon

That happened in June 2007, well not 'hot air' exactly, it was a tethered helium and 500 feet over Bournemouth, but it was as just as scary, especially for someone with a fear of heights (that was the very reason I wanted to do it).. it was the most exhilarating and freeing experience I have ever had.. I was so scared but so proud of myself for doing it, my legs shook the whole time, I couldn't move, found it very difficult to take photos, but I'm so glad I did. My bravery also encouraged my sister to come too.. fantastic memorable experience.

Trampolining

I remember trampolining as a kid, and I remember I loved it, loved the 'free' feeling of flying, the moment of weightlessness was almost spiritual (watch Community Season 2, Episode 7... its just like that ;) Its something I would like to experience again as an adult.. would definitely need a good sports bra though me thinks.

Ride a horse on a beach

I used to ride ponies while I worked on a farm in my 20's, mostly just trekking over the park, never really got to gallop much, and I don't think I appreciated the experience at the time. Now its a dream of mine to go ride a horse along a long empty beach. I've found the beach, and found the ponies... now its just the courage and money to see it through. I would have preferred doing that with a partner, but I think in this case a good friend would work as well.

Anyone fancy going horse riding this summer at Ogmore by Sea? let me know :)

Visit Glastonbury (the town not the festival)

Not too many places I want to visit inland, but Glastonbury is definitely one, I have been to Glastonbury very briefly, all I got to see was the main shopping street, but even then I was awed by the place, its very spiritual, and still quite 'hippy', nearly every shop had incense burning, the people are interesting, many new age types, very cool place to be. I would just love to go back and spend time seeing other things, the abbey, the Tor and Chalice Well.. I nearly got there again recently, but it wasn't to be, so its still on my bucket list.

Also plans for Stonehenge fell through, it hadn't been on my list previously, but I think now its up there if doable.

Last year I also was driven through the Cheddar Gorge, it was at night, so didn't see much at all, but it got my interest, so Cheddar Gorge and caves would be another one.

Move to South Wales

I was very much 'stuck' in an industrial concrete city, way too big for my comfort, it was a monster of a place, nowhere to go, no where I wanted to go, I ended up being a bit of a hermit. There where regular riots, bombings, shootings.. the lot.. it wasn't all bad, or all rough like that, but the city just wasn't doing it for me at all, but I believed there was noway out, I felt stuck. I really wanted to move to Canada, but Wales seemed like a more doable option, and it was the very first place I remember wanting to run away to as a child, at this time in my life, just the chance to get my feet wet in the sea was a huge pull for me, it wasn't something I could do often at all, the coast is very much a place I wanted to make my home.

I had very little money, no job to go to, or home, but I managed it somehow, found a cheap enough place, and with the help of some friends I moved here, its been 2 years since then and its the biggest and best thing I have ever done, It changed my life completely, Cardiff is great, a very arty city with a village feel to it, with views of hills and mountains one side and sea the other, also many spiritual people here, a lovely mix of cultures too. And being a Doctor Who fan, one of the first awesome things to happen was seeing David Tennant in the audience at a John Barrowman show.. meeting a Dalek and various Doctor Who characters was cool too.

Its been a big adventure since I moved here, there's some beautiful scenery and interesting beaches and towns, I've made it as far as the Gower Peninsular, which was a spectacular sight, standing by Arthur's stone and looking over the moors with wild horses roaming about and surrounded by beaches, so much beauty, I would like to get out to the Gower again, spend more time there for sure...

so this one is done really.

Watch the sunset over the ocean

Most the beaches here are south facing, and a bit aways to be going alone at night. I did find one beach nearby that faces west, albeit a very pebbly one, so it was just a matter of when to go. Its been too cold really to visit over winter to hang about at night, but on a recent visit to a nearby town with my boyfriend, we somehow ended up right on that beach with sunset approaching, it wasn't really planned, so I think it was just meant to be. It was another magical moment in my life, with a double bonus of the romantic element.

Spend a week in Cardigan Bay (West Wales)

A more recent addition to my list, I've been thinking about this over the last year, its just something small (well big for me as I have no idea how to pay for it)

I don't really have 'holidays away' like most people, but I do see its appeal for sure. I hear Cardigan Bay is popular for dolphins and seals, I would love to spend a nice summer week at a retreat or just a nice hotel, meditating on the beach, taking in the sites, walking and walking some more, watching the sun set over the ocean and hopefully see some dolphins and seals.

Falling in love

This has happened twice in my life, once when I was 16, then again more recently, though neither was to last, The love remains but the relationship experiences were way too short and volatile, so I guess this one is done, but not quite...

Be with my soul mate/life partner

yes, I want a life partner... for life!. To experience a healthy and truly open connection with another soul. There's just something about that bond that I had a taste of, to really get to know another person like they *are* you, a part of you, and have that special kind of love for each other that last through the hard truths of life, and the truths of just being human, the acceptance of who you really are, the compassion and passion and deep love that can truly last and raises you up so high. It just seems to bring a whole new meaning to existing on this planet.

I don't know if this can actually exist for me, we are all so screwed up, but we can at least try.... can't we?

Pet dog

I have to add the dog on here, as this is something I do dream about. I did have a dog for 15 years, I was utterly devastated when he died, but the companionship and unconditional love only a dog can give is a very special thing. Animals just have this natural and very accepting nature, and we love them back unconditionally too (most of us do anyway). I guess a dog is different from a cat, they can have such a strong bond with you, and they might be harder work, but the joy they can bring is so worth it.

I suppose if I am to be without my life partner, I would want that companionship of a dog, or if I do find my life partner, then the dog would be a lovely part of the family.. so either way .. dogs win.

Hang-glide down a hill

I think its that flying thing again, falling out of a plane does not appeal to me, but hang-gliding down a hill does, maybe its the safeness of following the land, gliding but not falling, this doesn't have the same terror that the balloon ride held for me, and not the same feeling as the trampoline, its something different.

We all have flying dreams.. right?.. well my flying dreams are always very low to the ground, most often I lose control of direction or even the flight itself, a few times I remember dreaming of flying high, but it gets scary up there, and I always end up back down near the ground trying to weave through buildings. So perhaps the hang gliding is a way to 'fix' some fear I have.

Talking about flying...

Fly in a plane

When someone says nowadays that they have never flown in a plane, never been abroad, people seem shocked and surprised, seems everyone has at least flown once by the time they are 30, and I am well past that, and have yet to fly anywhere.

It is something I would like to try, maybe a short flight to Anglesey or France even, just to experience it, the destination is a bonus.

But there is one particular journey I would like to take on a plane where the destination is more important than the flight..

this brings me to my next wish...

To live in Canada for a while

A good long while, even move there, in particular, Victoria on Vancouver Island. My heart has been there for a while now, and I hope the rest of me gets to go there too some time. Apparently its much like it is here in Cardiff, a port town with old buildings and an arty community feel, the bonus is its surrounded by gorgeous blue seas, beaches and mountain views.. and its Canada.. where many of my favourite people live... sounds perfect.

That's it

...so far.

Other wishes have came true too. Being afraid of deep water, and unable to swim, of course I wanted to sale in a boat on the ocean, and that happened at Eastbourne one summer, the sea was rough and there was even a thunder storm, which was very cool.

With my fear of heights, I wanted to stand on a cliff, as near to the edge as possible, I even I lay down to peep over the edge.

Walking in the clouds was a cool one, not that I intended that one, but if I had thought of it I would have wished it, I saw the low clouds from the beach, well it was either low cloud or high mist. Once I got to the cliff it was so thick I got very lost, but there was such a sense of calm, I felt very peaceful and happy, completely alone up there surrounded by a blanket of white, its a feeling I can still remember now, like being hugged all over, I felt perfectly safe walking about the cliff tops.

And I am forever grateful of my experiences with animals, working on an urban city farm and various animal rescue centres over 10 years, I discovered my ability to connect with animals to understand them and know how to calm them and form bonds, it was so cool to be the 'mother' of a small heard of sheep, and to be welcomed into a heard of goats, it was the individual connections that meant the most, rehabilitation of abused animals, to see them find their confidence again was an amazing and heart warming experience for me, even though there was a lot of heartache involved too, and if it had never happened I know it would definitely be a wish of mine.

I think now also I would really like to be successful with my artwork, not sure if this would be classed as a 'bucket' list.. its always been something I just love to do, just for me, to be visually creative, and explore different ways of doing that, I never cared about the money side, but I think over the years its becoming more evident that it would be cool way of paying the rent. I just need to get my act together, so any suggestions on ways of going about this I would welcome, and thank you to everyone who's helped me so far.

You can see some of my work on my attempt at a website www.imajade.com (still under construction)

thank you for reading and if you have a bucket list of your own, please let me know, or give me a link if you have it online.

I'd love to know what your dreams are.

Bucket image http://www.lassco.co.uk/index.php

Who's The Sheep?

2010-04-14T06:19:00.000-07:00

I used to think I was a weak person, weak and 'weird', but when your own family treat you in such a way, its hard not to take on those perceptions of yourself.

In fact I discovered later that I was actually stronger than I thought, and stronger than them even, because I believed in something... I believed in *me*!

Its so easy to conform, to do as 'they' do, avoid ridicule, teasing, ostracising. But despite all that, I stood strong to my truth.

Being vegetarian may not seem such a big deal to most, but for me it is a big deal, its more than a diet choice, its a moral one, an ethical one, an aware one and a loving one. It's a choice I made to listen to myself, to open up and be aware and trust in my own feelings, my empathy and my intuition.

Being around animals, and especially farm animals, I could not deny that these animals were just like me, they showed me their joy, their humour and their love, they showed me how they feel fear and pain, confusion, determination, how they feel attachment and loss.

I just could not see how eating them was right in any way at all. these are beautiful, emotional, sentient beings, and there sure isn't a 'need' to eat them, we can survive fine in the western world without their tortured flesh in our systems, and I loved these animals like I would love my pet cat or dog, I could not bring myself to eat them any more.

Its strange how we in the western world separate and divide not only ourselves as races and classes, but we also separate animals, as pets and domestic.. the ones that enter our homes we would not consider eating, but the ones in the 'garden' we don't blink an eye about eating, and I think that is because we choose to emotionally connect with some animals, and not others, it's not actually about the animals, it's about US!

Its societies conditioning that make you think a sheep or pig is less intelligent or less sentient than a dog, the fact is they are just as emotional, they are just as bright. If you give them a chance to show you, take them away from the herd, bring them into your home, they will show you how strongly they can connect with you, how attached and protective they will become of you, how loving they can be toward you.

Western people are generally disgusted or even outraged when they hear about dogs and cats used for food in other countries, well so am I.. but these same people who complain can't even see how they themselves contribute to this mentality.
Think about it, it sounds insane even when you really look at this .. people profess their love for animals, the amount of cute animal tv shows and countless cute youtube vids prove this, but these same people who 'love' animals, contribute and condone the cruelty, torture, and premature death of these beautiful creatures, and then they consume their flesh without a thought.
This is not what love means to me, to me that's akin to saying you love your wife by beating her with your fist.

We have this idea about the word 'sheep'.. its actually used in derogatory way for people, how we all just follow each other, how we don't stand out, choose our own paths. And its true, generally we do act like sheep. We all know though if you take a closer look there's an individual human being there, perhaps with thoughts of going his/her own way, but its usually fear, and conditioning that keeps them in line. And same for sheep, if you dare to take a closer look, you will find an individual soul, full of character and uniqueness... and also same with sheep, its the fear, and conditioning that keeps them in line. But you show them another way, you show them love and kindness, show them that they don't need to fear you, and they show you their true potential.

So it is my strength that I use my gift that makes me human, its the gift to choose to look inside myself and truly face what many cannot, to look at the truth, to see what I am really doing, to feel that guilt and shame for being a part of the insanity, to feel the empathy, to feel the pain and despair of these souls who are treated badly, tortured and killed to fill my stomach.
I dared to open my heart and see and feel their joy and love and sadness and pain.
I choose to stand alone in my own small way, to endure ridicule and outcasting and disrespect from my own family and work colleagues, and even verbally attacked from some rather ignorant people.

I choose to quietly be true to myself, despite constant overwhelming pressure to comply with the collective.. I stand my ground, and choose not to follow the human herd, because I listen to my heart, and I believe in *me*!.

Image credit:
pinched from this article which is an interesting read:
www.thepeopleslanguage.com/blacksheep

Recycarnation

2010-04-08T04:33:00.000-07:00

Its not just bubble baths that get me pondering. I don't know why, but I also get some pretty interesting thoughts while in the shower.

So I'm looking at my coconut shower gel container, it tells me if I recycle it, it could come back as my pillow.
well, I thought on that, and realised it sure wasn't big enough to come back as a whole pillow, and even if it was, am sure all the bits would get separated in the process, so the pillow would be a very high concentrate of many shower gel containers or other plasticy items.

which got me thinking...

Maybe reincarnation is just like recycling, we do indeed come back, I mean, physically we don't actually leave do we? our bodies are always part of the physical world, so we certainly get recycled in that way, but I wonder if the 'one' personality or 'spirit' would still be intact.. but couldn't be if it has no container to keep it all together. Like the showergel, once its gone... its kinda gone... but also not gone, its around on the planet in all its little components, just kinda unrecognisable as the showergel in its container.

The recycling of the container and also the content, could explain a lot, why we cant really remember our past lives, or we remember many, could explain multiple personalities if theres too high a concentration of previous souls in one container, could explain how we are born with a personality already, a mixture of many that we can shape and form into a completely new 'whole' personality. Perhaps one living being is a mixture of several recycled ones, or even millions of bits of other 'souls'.. and its our job to tap into the better ones, improve and develop this unified soul and give something positive back into the next reincarnation until all that is reincarnated is positive good vibed souls.

Although if we did this wrong, we could end up with the most grotesque of creatures... some might say that's what we are already.

Just a thought.

I Am A God

2010-03-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

Wave your hand across the barren seas,
Command new forms of life with ease,
Watch the patterns swell and grow,
Worlds expand, collide and flow.

Populate the lands and skies,
Observe the birth of nations rise,
Watch them learn, walk and fly,
See evolution in a blink of an eye.

Coldly wave your hand once more,
Raise the lands and sink the shore,
Watch the worlds crash and die,
Lay back, relax, understanding why.

Know that it means nothing at all,
Because you are the creator of all you saw.

*~*~*~*

Yes I took my camera into the bath with me, it was a very dangerous thing to do considering my clumsiness. I love relaxing in a bubble bath and allowing my mind to wander(or wonder), and I wanted to share it somehow :D

I don't know how many can relate to how my mind works while in the 'bubble bath state', but I can lay there for quite a while watching the bubble islands floating about, joining up with each other then separating. I imagine them to be continents, and I imagine how life would evolve on them, I watch how little humans develop and start to be more aware, and make towns and cities and spaceships and fly up to try communicate with their God (i.e... me!)

I watch as my movements change the landscape so drastically that no one could survive and whole species will have to start all over again..
I watch as bubbles gradually die away, the lands disappear and life is no more.

In my bubble bath.... I am a God!

Theosophy is neat

2010-03-28T11:26:00.001-07:00

Very cool Theosophy lecture today.
I cant even begin to describe it properly, it was a whole new concept for me and a lot to get my head around, but its all about the 5 evolutions of human(so far), and our descent and ascension through various 'states', through spiritual and physical realms.

Did you know we were once just blobs of grotesque jellyesque stuff, that reproduced by dropping off bits of ourselves? ^_^

I was a tad disappointed that our only concern is this solar system(as spirits evolving), I wanted to travel to other solar systems and other galaxies and see if there was an edge to the universe, but apparently "we are not concerned about that".. ahwell.

There'll be two more races of 'human' after us now, more evolved more spiritual with a 'new' sense, and as its a gradual process, our two races will overlap.
So next race of humans I think could be a technological one, borglike perhaps, although I prefer the more advance super-mechas in A.I.. that'd be neat :)

***
[Additional Text Added]

Planets reincarnate, galaxies and even universes join in on the spiral of the ultimate evolution.

Theosophists say that we descended from spiritual into physical and we will ascend back ultimately, (though of course we cycle through all the time) but taking with us our growth and experiences.. and this happens on a small and gigantic level, spanning gzillions of years..

They talk about various races of humans over time (also minerals, plants and animals have their races)

And it got me thinking how we would ascend back more into a spiritual state, I did not see the evolution limited to a fleshy body, but saw how consciousness could evolve through technologies.. we could then be less reliant on speech and grow telepathically and emphatically and eventually return to a higher spiritual(less physical) state.

For growth, we need the physical to gain experiences to expand the spiritual, eventually we(all life on earth) will not be drawn to the physical any more, and the planet will die and reincarnate and the cycle of races, descending and ascending will cycle over again..

The universe also is a living entity, so that too must travel the spiral of evolution.. this whole thing could just be a never ending fractal pattern, repeating and growing over and over.

MEN

2010-01-30T10:50:00.000-08:00

Men!...men are great, I love men (just so you know), some of my best friends are men :p, I love they have this sexual energy 'out there' so to speak, and I absolutely love it when a guy can completely open up to me. Exploring a guys mind and emotions (and body in some cases) can really be a most amazing adventure for me.

So um... this article sent to me yesterday was meant to be funny am sure, but for women who have been cheated on and lied to time and again... not so funny.

But if most men are indeed the way the article describes, then I have a problem... relationship wise...
I'm going to take the word 'married' out of this, as to me being 'married' or in a 'committed relationship' are the same thing.

I suppose I am in a dilemma where relationships are concerned... do I give up, give in?... conceded defeat and accept that, yes most men will lie and cheat given the opportunity, its human nature and there's not a lot you can do about it?
Or do I stay hopeful and pray one day I attract a partner who will respect me, and be honest, and true.
I don't feel there are any reasons to hide or lie in a relationship, or if there is, then, that is not the sort of relationship I would want.

So men are men, I certainly don't think they need to feel shame for just being who they are...men have their needs and desires, as much as women have theirs.
I do believe men cheat for much more than just sex though, perhaps many don't, but men are far more needy I have found than they make out, emotional needs I think are high on the list, if they weren't then they wouldn't be looking for 'connections' with other women, they would just pay for sex... and I know, many do just that.

So read the article, and the comments, and tell me what you think...
Are these just men still living in caves? are more men evolving from this and being more loving, conscious and respectful? are more men than ever nowadays able to communicate more successfully with their partners to eradicate that basic level of existence?

or are we really just fooling ourselves?

The secret lives of married men - Times Online

I actually think the comments were much more interesting than the artcle.. so I took some quotes out for anyone who didnt want to trawl through 20+ pages for the good stuff ..

Recommended movie: 'Brief Interviews With Hideous Men'

~~~

"Women give sex for love and men give love for sex."

"I really don't know how the men function. Maybe we can come up with some medicine for them."

" I've always maintained that if men didn't have this unquenchable desire to have sex with women, then they wouldn't have anything to do with women at all.
I certainly wouldn't."

"Truth is paramount. - Let's be honest, if you cannot talk about events/behaviors/actions in your life to your wife, (and vice versa)then the relationship is screwed. And as for this tit for tat attitude, well, that's just self destructive."

"I really don't want to jump my wife's friends - they're caked in make-up, totally self obsessed and thick as school custard. On the other hand looking after the kids is a piece of cake - they're funny, quick witted and enthusiastic. Finally house work is a doddle, I can clean the entire house , top to bottom , in an hour - watch the 1900's House for a real domestic challenge."

""Instincts" offer a very powerful justification for cheating.. Men have also not adjusted to any other post-hunterer era societal changes, like cars, houses, office jobs, showers, supermarkets.. or porn.."

"i would rather have my husband be dead honest with me (even if it hurts me) than looking me in the eye and lie. Even if lies hurt immediately, it heals faster than when finding out your husband has lied to you all along(and believe me it is only a matter of time before they do)."

"Thank you SO very much for destroying any inkling of faith I may still have had left in the male species. I'm off to buy a Shih Tzu."

"there are two types of men, those that have affairs and those that would if they could and thought they could get away with it"

"I'm a man, not an animal, and as such I have a conscience. There is no way that I could engage in an affair without thinking about my wife. I have not, and will never, cheat on her."

"There are also very serious health issues. Even when condoms are used they may not be 100% safe. How very wrong to give your unsuspecting partner who trusted you HIV/AIDS, syphillis, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes or crabs, or a combination of those;" ETC

"Is this what men have reduced themselves to? Being stuck in a teenage emotionally stunted state needing another Mummy? "

"wow! Someone could actually read this and come away thinking that it will never be possible to have a good relationship!"

"People stray from their relationships, often, because they are not getting what they need from it. In some cases what the person "needs" is several people."

"Lets get a few things very clear on the difference between thinking of something, wanting something, and doing something. "

"Surely if you feel the need to stray then you are with the wrong person?...So why don't you do them and yourself a favour and move on! Whatever happened to self/mutual respect?"

"It is like having your cake and eating it, as a mature adult you should always be able to leave the cake alone...."

"To be faithful is so strong. It really separates the men from the boys. I do understand boyish men but I don't admire them."

"If you don't have sex with your husband and give and take affection, he has every right to find those things somewhere else. "

"I think what depresses me most is the excuse 'I'm sure the partner knows' as justification to do whatever pleases themselves."

"It's quite possible for people to find partners that they never feel the need to stray from, but from a biological standpoint alone, that almost always requires the female to have a high libido, which is pretty rare after a certain point."

"I don't want to agree with this article, so I won't."

"This explains a lot of why men cheat. Some can be faithful to one woman while others are just needy and need more sex period. "

"Men should always be viewed as a limited company in which their balls own a majority of the voting stock."

"I had an affair with a married guy once, it lasted about a month. It made me feel bad, like I was the one cheating on his wife."

"I don't believe vows of monogamy should be standard for a marriage, almost all people break them. Why not make a realistic marriage vow: "I love you, will honor you, cherish you. I won't obey you, constrain you or limit you. We'll both take care of the kids & house, we'll share the duties & benefits, try to please each other & watch out for each other. And if either of us decides we're not getting what we need from each other, we'll find it somewhere else. No jealousy, no lies, nothing hypocritical."
That's love. To me. "

"The "spreading one's seed" theory is an HYPOTHESIS, it is not TRUTH. Be wary of any pseudo-Darwinian language like that as there is zero way to corroborate it."

"Speaking to female friends when they have problems with their husbands it seems to be because they want there husbands to be less true to their male side and more female in their outlook. This isn't going to happen."

"it seems not right to cheat,but if that makes a better marriage, maybe it's worth cheating. everyone have the possibility to have an affair,consciously or unconsciously."

"Not exactly rocket science. If you're with someone who lies (man or woman) then you're with the wrong person. Men and women are not as different as society/media make them out to be. Their similarities outweigh their differences and no-one wants/likes being lied to."

"Stereotypical and totally false. I do not know of 1 other man who thinks this way. I wouldn't want to know such shallow mindless uncontrollable fools. Maybe my friends and I are the exception."

"Man has at least three faces, the one he shows the world, the one he shows his wife and the one only he knows."

"We try to be faithful, we're willing, we reason with ourselves, we're shocked at our inclinations and then at our behaviour...But fidelity to one woman is just too much in the long run. Or even in the extended short run."

"Men and women are different. Men know that; women just can't seem to understand it"

Image stock.xhng

Apart, A Part

2009-11-20T08:07:00.000-08:00

I am of the earth and the earth of me,
My flesh of sand, my eyes of sea,
As all of one, as is to be,
I am of you, you are of me

Wherever on the sea or land,
I touch your feet, you touch my hand,
Never apart, a part of all we stand,
As dust you be, I, sea and sand.

Poem: copyright © Charlotte Godfrey 2009

***

Thought I would share a poem by my sister (with permission), it fitted perfectly with a graphic I created a while back for another project that didn't quite develop as I had hoped.
My sister hadn't even seen this when she wrote the poem, so it was an interesting and meaningful synchronicity :)

Rising Jiva

2009-09-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

Rising Jiva- Reflections of a monk on the path of devotion.

I really like the whole blog, but this entry stood out.. a run through of what goes on in the mind of a Hare Krishna monk while chanting. I love it!
I was really glad to find out this guy not only had a facebook and twitter account, but also wrote about his experiences in such a frank honest way.

I guess he was one of the people I felt I 'interrogated' and also felt I had many more questions to ask, so this blog really does help with that.

During the Hare Krishna event last week, I joined in with about 10 minutes or so of chanting (well trying to).. I really enjoyed it even if I struggled a little, and I can totally understand how you can get caught up in it. I think I had a grin on my face all the while, as it was a new experience, interesting and fun.

Although Premarasa Das explains that enjoying chanting is a natural by product and not the goal :)

Also what I found interesting is how he describes the minds distractions..
very familiar with that, and this reminds me of what we all say about quietening the 'noise', how we use various forms of meditation to silence it.. chanting meditation seems a pretty fun way if you ask me ;)

image: Krishna.com

Wash Away

2009-09-30T17:01:00.000-07:00

Funny how this blog process feels so complex. As if I cant just write what I want and leave it at that, but whatever, it gives me a chance to share some of my work and other things I find interesting.

Seems I have this habit of trying to wipe the slate clean, delete my life so far, readjust my focus and thought processes and basically start afresh. Happens every time a close relationship ends for me.. because if I don't.. I give the other person power over me to continue the hurt and pain, dragging it out only hinders the healing process, so no matter how much I want to 'stay friends'.. my default setting is 'delete'!..self preservation in fact.. and so my blog got deleted too.. but that's ok, maybe I can start again with more pure intentions.

Healing wounds can mostly be about time.. changing your thought processes, get your mind into another habit.. thinking about something else basically.. a slow gradual daily washing of memories and thought habits, its basically quitting an addiction, and its not easy, I find myself consciously trying to fill that space with something new, fresh.. and hopefully exciting enough to help push the process on quicker.

And so what if it doesn't last, nothing ever does last anyway.. but its an experience, I can choose what I want to experience, and sometimes these things come with a negative side.
but as Esther said ..."the bugs in the eye are a small price to pay for the exhilaration of that ride"

Just sometimes those bugs can become quite big and ugly things, and sting just that bit too much!

anyway.. so I am changed, perhaps a tad more bitter with more fat ugly bugs in my eyes, but I also am more determined not to take crap from people...
But saying that, overall, certainly in a better place spiritually... probably not the calm serenity of the spiritual person I would like to be, but I do feel more determined, 'cept I'm unsure where my determination is focused right now, I still have unanswered 'meaning of life' questions, I still seek the ultimate truth, even when I know already that I cannot know, I still feel I *should* dammit! like the answer is right there, on the tip on my tongue, like a dream I cant quite remember, but I feel its there, I feel the remnants of it, and the taste of it, but the memory of it is out of reach!

So I question, explore, ponder and think and rethink. I do have a habit of interrogating people who I think might have some answers, so I apologise to those people :) but I'm at a stage when I'm more concerned about the truth than what you think of me.... which for me is progress :)

image used: copyright Robyn Godfrey imajade.com